Nothing gets the heart pumping rather like the restless anticipation which goes along with going out on a first date using a guy. When it’s someone or a blind date you’re already acquainted with, the very first meeting using a relationship prospect brings with it a host of emotions generally a combination of excitement and nervousness. As the critical moment approaches, ideas can become centered on such questions as: “Will he like me?” “Will I enjoy him?” “Is he going to be The One?” “What’ll I talk about? What if I run out of things to say?”
We gay men have few role models to emulate in regards to love and romance, although it’s changing. There is no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no guidance, no construction, and no rules. How do two men join together in the “courtship dance?” While a dearth of rules for gay relationship can be a positive thing, bringing to more creativity, spontaneity, and individualism, it can also create stress along with a sense of “cluelessness” in the best way to meet and date successfully–kind of like a car with no driver.
This informative article will offer you some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s event. Pick and choose the ones that look right for you as well as create your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.
Before the Date
–When placing a time and place for your date, make sure to make it a short assembly (1-2 hours) for the first time and select a place that’s either activity-oriented or allows for lots of chance to talk. Prevent films and instead choose a brief get-together at the zoo or at a coffee shop. Making it short takes lots of the pressure off, especially in case you find the two of you aren’t compatible, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. If you are getting along famously, you always have the option to extend the date.
–Choose the emphasis off of it being a date and view it as an opportunity to meet a potential new pal. This can help “take the edge off” and enable you to relax without focusing on the results of the date. Avoid putting too many hopes and expectations on the meeting; then that’s an added plus, if a spark ignites during your time together and let it evolve naturally!
–If you’re particularly nervous, take a moment to do some relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get centered. In the event you are worried about what to talk about, create a list of possible ideas beforehand and role play using a buddy to build self-assurance. However do not rely on this or you will appear stiff and rehearsed. Be trendy and be yourself. This is not about performance.
–Dress comfortably and in clothing which makes you feel great about yourself. Make certain you as well as your date are on exactly the same page about the fashion of attire for your date. In my own personal relationship days, I showed up for another date in jeans and a pleasant oxford shirt to then find my other half dressed to the nines in a French suit not realizing his intentions for the evening. It made for an extremely embarrassing moment and he cancelled the bookings he’d made for us at a ritzy, fine-dining establishment for dinner. He took me to a household restaurant and afterward changed into more casual clothes. Ouch! His image of me immediately altered and he stopped seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by ending things, but at the time it was humiliating. Be clear to prevent any miscommunication.
–Be punctual and relax. Regardless of how attracted you could be to the man sitting across from you, it is your responsibility to be yourself– be someone you’re not and avoid trying to put a facade up to attempt to impress your date. You are wonderful just as you are. Let him get to know the real you; otherwise, you’re engaging in a form of misrepresentation that will just return to bite you later. Be bona fide and eventually you’ll be rewarded with a really harmonious partner.
–Be careful to your date. Show respect by keeping good eye contact and don’t let those eyes ramble if there are other attractive men in the room. Stay out of your own mind and shut off those ideas that are distracting; really listen to what he is saying. Balance active listening with sharing things about yourself. Ask open-ended questions to gain more elaboration on points made in your discussion learn more regarding your date and to stretch out conversations. This is particularly powerful in case you’re are short on things to say for the reason that it gets the other person discussing more, allowing for more tidbits you could begin other dialogues about or feeling shy. Be positive and let your sense of humor shine through.
You can ease into these the more you get to know him. Avoid alcohol, as this may alter your behavior, and stay away from sexual content and innuendo. Introducing sexual talk into your first date can set the tone in an improper direction, unless sex is the motivation for your date. After you’ve been able to establish more of a genuine, mature connection conversations about sex and sexual preferences can come later. Questions like “Are you a top or a bottom?” may appear crass at a first meeting and might cause a negative impression of you to form in your date’s mind and picture of you.
Following the Date
–Whether your date was a smash hit or calamity, exercise good manners and thank your new acquaintance for the date. State this, if youwant to see him again and call him in a day or so to ask him outside again. Don’t get caught up in the whole relationship match of “How many days should I hold off to telephone him to avoid looking desperate?” or “I’m going to let him be the one to call me.” Take control of your own life if you like him and make that call. It is always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite manner, while this may be extremely challenging. Suggest that in case youwant to try to create a camaraderie instead. But be fair and direct and do not tell him you’ll call him again if you actually have no intention of doing so. That is unkind.
–Do some de-briefing after your date and reflect on your conduct, in addition to your date’s, and perhaps journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you’ve altered? What did you learn about yourself as an effect of the date? How would you rate the date as well as the guy you met? From what you are able to tell so far, is there compatibility with vision and your personal requirements for a life partner? Is he matching up far with your demands, desires, goals, and principles?
Dating can be a nerve wracking, daunting job, especially with the absence of relationship schooling available to us as gay men. What customs and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for relationship are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do?
Take a light approach and the key is to get pleasure with dating. Relationship is both an art and also a science in my belief, combining common sense decision making with self-awareness of what one needs and wants for a fulfilling and joyful lifestyle. You’ll be living with integrity and will manage to approach all your dates having a more relaxed tone and confident manner, when your dating behaviour is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship. It’ll make the procedure a lot more easy going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!